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the best bad joke ever
Mar. 2nd, 2010 11:20 pmSo, at the Lightning game tonight. ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
bleukarma and I are winding our way through the usual chaos out on the plaza - which for some ungodly reason included a brass band tonight - when a perfectly ordinary guy carrying a backpack walks up to me.
"You wanna hear a really bad joke?" he asks.
I grin. "Yes!"
He pulls something out from his backpack, tosses it to me, and says, "Duck!"
It was a yellow rubber duck. It has a top hat and a vest and a cane and a bow tie. It was in a little plastic bag that had a business card for some scuba company at the bottom of the bag.
Let me repeat this. IT WAS A RUBBER DUCK. I WAS GIVEN A RUBBER DUCK AT HOCKEY.
As soon as I caught it I about fell over myself laughing.
The guy just grinned and went on his duck-distributing way.
bleukarma and I are winding our way through the usual chaos out on the plaza - which for some ungodly reason included a brass band tonight - when a perfectly ordinary guy carrying a backpack walks up to me."You wanna hear a really bad joke?" he asks.
I grin. "Yes!"
He pulls something out from his backpack, tosses it to me, and says, "Duck!"
It was a yellow rubber duck. It has a top hat and a vest and a cane and a bow tie. It was in a little plastic bag that had a business card for some scuba company at the bottom of the bag.
Let me repeat this. IT WAS A RUBBER DUCK. I WAS GIVEN A RUBBER DUCK AT HOCKEY.
As soon as I caught it I about fell over myself laughing.
The guy just grinned and went on his duck-distributing way.
wheeeeboing!
Jan. 7th, 2010 02:20 pmFun things to do with the dog on a sunny winter's day. Jowls and ears a-flappin'!
( This is never gonna stop being funny. )
( This is never gonna stop being funny. )
I've had a holiday idea that I have wanted to do for years upon years.
So today I girded myself with a hockey shapka and braved the stores.
You bet your ass I made myself a Christmas palm tree. Cat palm, according to the label.
And a dove for peace, because there's never enough of that.
So today I girded myself with a hockey shapka and braved the stores.
You bet your ass I made myself a Christmas palm tree. Cat palm, according to the label.
And a dove for peace, because there's never enough of that.
Naked Shootout!
Oct. 21st, 2009 12:14 amFor celticwarrior82, oregoonie, and spartanwerewolf: just what it says on the tin.
This explains it. I JUST KNOW THIS WAS RYAN MALONE'S IDEA.
celticwarrior82, oregoonie, and spartanwerewolf: just what it says on the tin.This explains it. I JUST KNOW THIS WAS RYAN MALONE'S IDEA.
my brain asplode with season openers
Oct. 4th, 2007 03:17 pmDave said we have to go and I know better than to argue with him when he says we have to go to this game, Indi so I didn't and now we're gonna go.
I need to get batteries for Vera because even though NONE OF YOU PHILISTINES CARE I must take pictures because that's what I do although with the seats we have they'll probably all be pictures of Brodeur's butt but Elecktrum will like those so it's okay.
Dave can't find the lucky albeit stinky jersey so we're breaking our game tradition for the first time ever and I hope nothing bad happens because of it, and did I ever mention to you that sports fandom is split into thirty-three point endless threes of math, superstition, and irrational hatred? It totally is.
I still don't know how to pronounce Ouellet.
I think I made the coffee too strong. My stomach hurts. Ow. It'll go away by the time we leave. For hockey. Because that is what I am seeing tonight.
HOCKEY.
They're giving away pompoms. Is that something I can bug Colby with, later?
O holy goalie, be not cruel to Brodeur because we like him, but bless the pads of Homer because we like him more, because his nickname in Swedish is Honken and that's funny, and also because Dave is still teetering on the edge of Team Denis and he is wrong and I must prove him wrong about this because I never get to prove Dave wrong about anything, ever. And also I want us to win, so being better to HONKEN is important. Hokay, himagine, h-amen.
GAME ON.
(I know I will regret this entry later. But I never post drunk, so I'm allowed a few indulgences. This coffee, seriously, it reminds me of crude oil.)
I need to get batteries for Vera because even though NONE OF YOU PHILISTINES CARE I must take pictures because that's what I do although with the seats we have they'll probably all be pictures of Brodeur's butt but Elecktrum will like those so it's okay.
Dave can't find the lucky albeit stinky jersey so we're breaking our game tradition for the first time ever and I hope nothing bad happens because of it, and did I ever mention to you that sports fandom is split into thirty-three point endless threes of math, superstition, and irrational hatred? It totally is.
I still don't know how to pronounce Ouellet.
I think I made the coffee too strong. My stomach hurts. Ow. It'll go away by the time we leave. For hockey. Because that is what I am seeing tonight.
HOCKEY.
They're giving away pompoms. Is that something I can bug Colby with, later?
O holy goalie, be not cruel to Brodeur because we like him, but bless the pads of Homer because we like him more, because his nickname in Swedish is Honken and that's funny, and also because Dave is still teetering on the edge of Team Denis and he is wrong and I must prove him wrong about this because I never get to prove Dave wrong about anything, ever. And also I want us to win, so being better to HONKEN is important. Hokay, himagine, h-amen.
GAME ON.
(I know I will regret this entry later. But I never post drunk, so I'm allowed a few indulgences. This coffee, seriously, it reminds me of crude oil.)
omg omg omg -- wait, i need pants.
Sep. 10th, 2007 05:13 pmY'all need to get used to the fact that I am going to be spazzing about oregoonie's impending visit UNTIL SHE'S HERE. And once she's here you're going to get inundated with pictures and funny stories and we'll be wanderlust damn hell ass kings. AND IT WILL BE MADE OF AWESOME.
In other news, that "food? what's that for?" thing I do when I'm stressed has put my weight back at 145. Too skinny for the fat pants, too fat for the skinny pants. So I've stuffed me into an old pair of jeans from high school (so old, in fact, that I've worn holes in both knees) for today's painting with Dave, because if there's one thing you don't want when you're hanging out with your fake-brother, it's for your pants to fall off. Although these might fall apart. Crap.
You ever have one of those days where you just want to line people up and whap 'em in the back of the head with a hockey stick? You ever have one of those months when half of your life is going great and the other half makes you want to bash your head into a wall? Yeah. Me too.
I don't care if you sink or swim
Lock me out or let me in
Where I'm going or where I've been
I don't mind at all
I don't mind if the government falls
Implements more futile laws
I don't care if the nation stalls
And I don't care at all
oregoonie's impending visit UNTIL SHE'S HERE. And once she's here you're going to get inundated with pictures and funny stories and we'll be wanderlust damn hell ass kings. AND IT WILL BE MADE OF AWESOME.In other news, that "food? what's that for?" thing I do when I'm stressed has put my weight back at 145. Too skinny for the fat pants, too fat for the skinny pants. So I've stuffed me into an old pair of jeans from high school (so old, in fact, that I've worn holes in both knees) for today's painting with Dave, because if there's one thing you don't want when you're hanging out with your fake-brother, it's for your pants to fall off. Although these might fall apart. Crap.
You ever have one of those days where you just want to line people up and whap 'em in the back of the head with a hockey stick? You ever have one of those months when half of your life is going great and the other half makes you want to bash your head into a wall? Yeah. Me too.
I don't care if you sink or swim
Lock me out or let me in
Where I'm going or where I've been
I don't mind at all
I don't mind if the government falls
Implements more futile laws
I don't care if the nation stalls
And I don't care at all
YAY DAVE IS COMING BACK TO TAMPA WHERE HE BELONGS
HIS GIRLFRIEND GOT SEASON TIX FOR LIGHTNING GAMES SO WHEN SHE CAN'T GO HE AND I ARE GONNA USE THEM
WE'RE GONNA INVESTIGATE TRAINING CAMP TOO
OOH AND MAYBE A STAR WARS TRIVIAL PURSUIT ASS-WHOOPING THREEPEAT
YAAAAAAAAY DAVE DAVE DAVE DAVE DAVE YAY WOOOO YAY
(I REALLY HOPE I DON'T HAVE TO SWORDFIGHT ANY MORE HELLSPAWNS BECAUSE MY POLEARM FORM IS HORRIBLE THESE DAYS)
HIS GIRLFRIEND GOT SEASON TIX FOR LIGHTNING GAMES SO WHEN SHE CAN'T GO HE AND I ARE GONNA USE THEM
WE'RE GONNA INVESTIGATE TRAINING CAMP TOO
OOH AND MAYBE A STAR WARS TRIVIAL PURSUIT ASS-WHOOPING THREEPEAT
YAAAAAAAAY DAVE DAVE DAVE DAVE DAVE YAY WOOOO YAY
(I REALLY HOPE I DON'T HAVE TO SWORDFIGHT ANY MORE HELLSPAWNS BECAUSE MY POLEARM FORM IS HORRIBLE THESE DAYS)
