Parallax

A sonic boom will make Riley do the Scooby Doo Scramble. A second one will just make her stare at me somewhat tiredly, as though I am a bad monkey for letting the sounds continue. if this happens when I am dazed and sleepy, I will somehow totally discount the honking big military base right down the street and think that a car drove into a house nearby.

Last week Bleu and I went to the swamp. Bleu is not an outdoors person, not at all. I went happily clomping down the boardwalk grabbing at the plants and pointing at everything and avoiding the giant black things that look like bees that I'm not sure what they are. Bleu gingerly followed behind, arms clasped together -- which is about how I look in a shopping mall. I found us some birds and turtles and then a darling baby alligator, maybe as long as my arm. On the way back we spotted two armadillos. Imagine one the size of a minivan. I wish the prehistoric megafauna had survived.

On the way out I found a sign put up by the Florida Parks & Recreation Department of Redundancy Department:



Later I was asked, Indi, why can't you be quiet in your boots when military people are? The reason is because their boots have laces. Mine do not. Hence: clomp clomp clomp.

I got my sample ballot in the mail today, which is just what it says on the cover: a tiny copy of the ballot I'll be using to vote during the midterms. Let me tell you what is on it:

- US Senator
- District Representative
- State Governor and Lieutenant Governor
- State Attorney General
- State Chief Financial Officer
- State Commissionner of Agriculture
- State Senator for district X
- State Representative for district X
- Board of County Commissionners districts x, y, and z
- four Justices of the State Supreme Court
- seven Justices of the State District Court of Appeal (these judges all get their own box)
- School Board Member district X
- Soil and Water Conservation Groups X and Y
- proposed state constitutional amendments one through eight (these take up the majority of the inside of the thing; pages two and three, I suppose)
- a Nonbinding Statewide Referendum calling for an Amendment to the United States Constitution
- a Countywide Transportation System Construction Maintenance Operations Levy Tax
- Amends to The Charter (of what I am not sure) to eliminate veto powers of an elected County Mayor
- Economic development property tax exemptions for new businesses and expansions of existing businesses
- a Proposal to Amend the Reapportionment Provision to require an aditional public meeting
- a Proposal to Amend the Hillsborough County Charter Provisions pertaining to the Internal Performance Auditor

That, dear readers, is why the average American does not understand anything about their government. IT'S ALL COMPLICATED.

Indi: ....and you guys got a rooster. explain this to me.
oregoonie: Dude, I had to go get him because he was crowing! He fuckin woke grubbygirl up! HAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAHAHA!
Goonie: Ok
Goonie: My coworker got a chicken which turned out to be a rooster
Goonie: she lives in an apartment
Indi: roosters do that, they crow!
Indi: why did she get a chicken if she lives in an apartment?
Goonie: She's Alina. She's had chickens before.
Goonie: She and her mom used to raise/train them
Indi: for what, voodoo?
Goonie: Well, he started crowing OH MY GOD IN MY EAR
Indi: WAIT, TRAINED CHICKENS?
Goonie: Seriously.
Goonie: TRAINED chickens
Indi: FOR WHAT?
Indi: WHEN IS THIS GOING TO STOP SOUNDING INSANE?
( People, I can't make this up. )

I just got an email advertising free hockey all week on the NHL Network, which I don't get, not having cable or anything.

The interesting thing was this picture.

Are they all looking for something? Are they shocked and alarmed? Did Godzilla just pop up and go RARRRGGGH at them? Did Charlie just leave them a super-secret spy mission? I realize this is a photo-chop, but I find it inadvertently hilarious.