Parallax

So. Three elections gone, now, in my life. Two lost, one won. Eight years of bullshit - the end of an error? We're making jokey icons that say that, and it may be true, later on, historically. Too soon to tell yet. In 2000 I wasn't worried, because so far life had been all right, and crazy-stupid ruling parties were things that happened in other places. Take a note of that, self: it's not just something that happens in other places. 2004 I was mad as hell, because it wasn't my country anymore. Wasn't what I'd grown up believing in. I'd taken to apologizing to non-Americans I met online, assuring them I wasn't like that, I wasn't one of those assholes, I wasn't in support of the shit that was being pulled. I'll probably be saying that the rest of my life. I wasn't them. I didn't vote for Gitmo or Abu Ghraib, or -- well, Indi, what did you do about it? Really, what did I do? Nothing. Voted in 2006, celebrated when the Dems got control of Congress. Bitched a lot. Sent some money to campaigns. Got a pair of stickers and a t-shirt. Filled in the bubbles on a mail-away form in October in 2008. Every little bit helps, but that's hardly changing a world.

What did I do? Not a goddamn thing, not really. Other people did stuff. I was convinced we'd lost it, the bad guys won, that things would be as they were and only get worse. Watched V for Vendetta and wished someone would send me a mask in the mail. (I'm writing this to remind me of where I was and where I've been.) Waited in the fucking dark until someone else came up and said, look, this isn't right, we don't have to go on the way we have. Because, what can one person do, alone? Nothing. I used to think that wasn't true, and then I took 2004 personally and believed it was. I don't know which one is right, or even if one is. Maybe it depends on the person, or the time, or both. Schroedinger's political individual both does and does not have an effect.

The difference between 2004 and now, for me, is that this time I did my research. This time I read up about the history of stuff. This time I got an absentee ballot and spent a bunch of time on Google figuring out whether I did or did not want to retain Florida Supreme Court Judge X or Y. (Okay, there I sort of cheated and went with which governor picked them, but I used to skip that bit entirely.) This time I voted for my candidate, instead of against his opponent. This time I'm learning. My guy won, and the first thing he said as president-elect was that we still have a long way to go. I know that, viscerally, with memories of things I've seen and heard. I'm trying to understand it - the process, the history. I don't know what I can do for or to or about the world, but what I can do for me is figure out how we all got here. I guess that's something. I don't know if it's enough.

( in which Indi rambles at great length about how the South turned red and why she voted the way she did. )

The difference, then, is that - for the first time in my voting career - I voted for something. Not against it. We have a hell of a lot of work to do. But this is a start.

What's next?

(This is mostly for Becca, who likes to get into my head and explore. Now you have a map.)