*nerdgasm*

Guess who got FIOS, motherbitches?

custody battle

The divorce was a nightmare. Both sides lawyered up and there were screaming fights about everything down to the last knick-knack from Great-Auntie Muriel whom nobody really liked anyway. Who got the kid, of course, was what landed them in court.

The judge, thorougly poleaxed by the accusations being slung from both sides, called the kid up to the stand in the hopes that he'd be able to share his own perspective on the potential living situations. "So," said the judge, "do you want to live with your dad?"

"No," the kid said quietly. "My dad beats me."

Nobody had mentioned this. "You'd rather live with your mother, then?" the judge asked.

"No," the kid said, even quieter. "My mom beats me too."

Dead silence in the courtroom. The judge cleared his throat. "Then," said he, "who do you want to live with?"

"The Toronto Maple Leafs!" the kid exclaimed. "They never beat anybody!"

Thank you, I'll be here all week.