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i make einstein cry
Mar. 31st, 2007 03:18 pmThings happen because of two reasons: 1, they feel like it, and/or 2, it'd be funny if they did. (The funny ranges from gut-busting to painful irony.)
1. When something goes wrong, it will do so in the most inexplicable way possible. This is the Hooloovoo Effect, named after my car which once made a mechanic, in the business for 20+ years, exclaim "I've never seen a Toyota do that!" This is the law that bites my ass the most... and the one that makes y'all laugh the most.
2. The amount of whining you do is directly proportional to the probability that [whatever] will work once you quit bitching and try again. Try, try, complain, try again.
3. Hitting a machine on a part that has nothing to do with the problem will make the part that does not work, work. (Car dashboard when the engine won't turn, computer monitor when the drives lock, light switch when the power goes out, remote when the cable's fucked, etc.) If this does not work, you're in for a world of trouble.
4. The That Figures rule: the most likely outcome is the one that will make you smack your forehead and go "that fucking figures."
5. If you're early everyone else is late. If you're late everyone else is early. If you're on time you're in the wrong place.
6. When at a restaurant, food will arrive if you go to the bathroom, but only if you genuinely need to go. Going to make the food show up doesn't work.
7. When you reach a birthday, you age that whole year in the time it takes the clock to go from 11:59:59 on the day before to 12:00:00 the day of. Precise time of birth does not matter.
8. Playing What's That Button Do on a gadget you own will result in a better understanding of said gadget. Playing the same game on a gadget someone else owns will result in that person being mad at you.
1. When something goes wrong, it will do so in the most inexplicable way possible. This is the Hooloovoo Effect, named after my car which once made a mechanic, in the business for 20+ years, exclaim "I've never seen a Toyota do that!" This is the law that bites my ass the most... and the one that makes y'all laugh the most.
2. The amount of whining you do is directly proportional to the probability that [whatever] will work once you quit bitching and try again. Try, try, complain, try again.
3. Hitting a machine on a part that has nothing to do with the problem will make the part that does not work, work. (Car dashboard when the engine won't turn, computer monitor when the drives lock, light switch when the power goes out, remote when the cable's fucked, etc.) If this does not work, you're in for a world of trouble.
4. The That Figures rule: the most likely outcome is the one that will make you smack your forehead and go "that fucking figures."
5. If you're early everyone else is late. If you're late everyone else is early. If you're on time you're in the wrong place.
6. When at a restaurant, food will arrive if you go to the bathroom, but only if you genuinely need to go. Going to make the food show up doesn't work.
7. When you reach a birthday, you age that whole year in the time it takes the clock to go from 11:59:59 on the day before to 12:00:00 the day of. Precise time of birth does not matter.
8. Playing What's That Button Do on a gadget you own will result in a better understanding of said gadget. Playing the same game on a gadget someone else owns will result in that person being mad at you.
